When You Look Me In The Eyes
by seemenopeu
Summary: Will being herself ever be enough for Quinn? It was enough for her friends. It was even enough for Santana.


Quinn placed herself on the grass shaded by a tree in front of the school. It was her favorite time of the day, when she would have an off period and every student shuffled and filled into their classrooms quicker than necessary. During this time, a silence would breeze over the campus and it gave her enough leverage to do what she actually liked to do for a change: Read.

Reading surrounded her with places to escape and she's sure that if she had the real option to leave she would take it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, it only gave her a short passage away from her life, so she took it every chance she could.

The soft breeze swayed her short, recently dyed, pink hair against her face as she grabbed a book from her bag. She sighed heavily as she wiped the hair out of her eye. She was always so impulsive when making decisions; that included this dye job that she only liked for about a few weeks. She only did it as a change from what everyone saw her as: The pretty, blonde, cheerleader, saint turned teen mom after a drunken night at the Puckerman lair. Though, the look on her mother's face as Quinn peered down the stairs with the new pink hairdo was worth it. She would have felt remorse if the moment wasn't ruined by her mother shrugging it off and going back to her race to the bottom of her wine bottle.

Quinn opened her novel and placed it on her lap. She had read the book before, but each time felt different. However, before she could begin reading, a body shifted in front of her.

Quinn looked up to see Santana, fully clothed in her cheerleading outfit and shifting from foot to foot. Quinn rolled her hazel eyes at the girl, whom obviously was there to interrupt her alone time.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Santana snapped at her.

Quinn just shrugged her shoulders, not in the mood to carry on a conversation with the other girl.

Santana sighed and sat next to Quinn, clearly not taking the hint that she wasn't wanted, "Come back to the squad."

"No," Quinn said swiftly, putting her book away into her bag.

"Why? No one care's if you were pregnant anymore. Besides, its not like you have anything better to do."

Quinn gritted her teeth and turned to face the cheerleader, "Did you want something or..?"

"Coach wants you back is all," the girl shrugged.

"No thanks," Quinn looked down and picked at the grass below, "I can't stand any of you."

Santana laughed heartedly, "I'm sure its mutual, blondie."

Quinn bit her lip and thought of her options. She hated being the goody Quinn that everyone expected from her, but to be honest she was absolutely bored of being bad-ass Quinn. If she was even considered that.

"I'll think about it," Quinn said, her voice raspy from her indecisions.

"Good," Santana stood up and shook the grass off her shirt, "Make sure that you get rid of that hideous pink shit in your hair and I'll make sure that you're old uniform's fitted to go over your stomach to hide the stretch marks."

Without another moment passing, Santana winked and sashayed away, finally leaving Quinn on her own and wondering why she would even considered anything that Santana asked her.

Quinn sighed and looked up to the sky above. She dreaded going back to her old self. The thing was that she dreaded the most was being alone like she has been with this new persona.

**XXX**

Quinn stared at herself in the mirror. Her uniform still fitted perfectly, almost like she never took it off, and her hair was put perfectly into a high pony that stung more than it use to. The only real difference to her appearance was the hints of pink still in her hair. She had tried to wash it out, but after five full washes she had given up and decided to see how she'd look. As her old self again.

She put her hands on her hips and gave her reflection her best HBIC stare. It used to part seas of freshmen and losers who were undeserving of a second glance. Now all it gave her was nausea and horrible memories of her friends turning their backs on her with the same stare.

Quinn swallowed back the bitter taste and turned away from the mirror as she pulled her hair loose. Cheerleading was behind her, what was she even thinking? She threw her cheerleading top off and laid straight down on her bed. She honestly didn't care if anyone missed her, not that she even believed that anyone did. The summer after she had gave birth to the most beautiful baby that she'd never see again, no one had even gave her a rang. Maybe she could have been a little more inviting to guests, but it's not like anyone ever knocked on her front door. The most she ever got was a few voicemails from the glee kids claiming they were family and that they should "stick together" or something. It was only two messages though, and it wasn't at all enough for her to call back. Nor was it enough for her to show up to glee practice this year yet.

A soft ring from the door bell made Quinn almost growl. She turned her head to the left and saw it was 7:30 pm. Quinn sighed, she wasn't in the mood for people, especially while she was busy having a character crisis. Quinn jumped out of bed, taking her time to the door. When she opened it, she wasn't sure if she was surprised or just annoyed at the person behind it.

"What do you want, Santana?" Quinn asked, ready to slam the door in her face if she pissed her off again.

"Wow, blondie," Santana smirked and eyed Quinn up and down, "What a welcome."

Quinn looked down and noticed that she was still only in her pink bra and cheerleading skirt. She shrugged. It wasn't like Santana hasn't seen her like this before, "What do you want?"

Santana gave a last once over then smirked again, "I came to see if you're chickening out."

"Chickening out of what?"

"Cheer practice."

Quinn rolled her eyes. Of course Santana would figure that. They _had_ been best friends at one point.

"So what if I am?"

"Quinn!" Santana huffed and pushed her way inside Quinn's house, "You can't be fucking serious. I thought I had finally convinced you to go!"

"Changed my mind," Quinn sighed. She closed the door and faced Santana with folded arms, "Why do you even care?"

"What do you mean why do I care? I fucking asked you to come back, it doesn't matter _why_," Santana said already riled up.

"Calm down," Quinn looked up towards the stairwell to make sure Santana's tone wasn't waking her mother, "Why are you so upset? It's doesn't matter what I do."

"It does matter, cause I," Santana took a deep breathe, "Brittany misses you. She doesn't get to see you at practice and now at glee, and it's killing her. So, since the team is lacking a bit since you've been gone I've decided to kill two birds with one stone. So, yeah, it does matter, Quinn."

Brittany was Quinn's other best friend. Actually, Brittany _is_ Quinn's other best friend (only if Santana was still considered a _best friend_). If Quinn walked up to Brittany tomorrow, she's more than sure that the tall blonde would take her back in a instant. That's why Quinn loved her, she was the greatest friend anyone could have.

Then there was Santana, that knew her most out of anyone the three of them knew combined. They both were extremely so much alike that it was almost scary. They were really close and it hurt Quinn deeply when Santana stopped talking to her. It wasn't fair. They were suppose to friends.

Quinn looked at Santana and knew that the girl wasn't telling the whole truth, but it was a puzzle that she wasn't interested in solving, "Tell Brittany I'm sorry, but I'm not going."

Santana glared at Quinn, an anger frown began to grow, "You suck, Fabray."

Quinn shrugged and turned to walk up the stairs to her room. Santana followed suit, stomping her way up like she was trying to make a point, "You're making this _way_ harder than necessary, blondie."

Quinn turned into her room and made enough space for Santana to slip her way through before closing the door behind them.

"Okay, Quinn, look," Santana sat down on Quinn's bed and combed her fingers through her long dark hair with her eyes glued to the floor. She bit her lip and shook her right leg that was covered with jeans that were way too tight to breath in. Santana's bright, red shirt seemed extremely fitted, too, but seemed to dimmer down with the contrast from Santana's sober face. Quinn knew that though she didn't want to know what was up she was about to find out.

"It's not just Brittany who misses you, you know. It's like the whole glee kids, too. Like that includes Berry and Lady Hummel and even Finn. And like me and Britt, but you already knew about Britt so, it's like I miss you, too, or something. So, like, fuck, Quinn. I miss you, so come back."

Santana kept her eyes down and Quinn made a noise of understanding. She sat carefully by the Latina and tried not to rub the girl's back in comfort since she wasn't a fan of that, "I get that you miss me, San, but I haven't gone anywhere. Still in the same house, just not a cheerleader anymore."

Santana moved her eyes to meet Quinn's, "What about glee though. You couldn't hate it as much as the Cheerios, right?"

"I never hated glee."

"Then come back."

Quinn turned away and sighed. It's true that she never hated glee, but she never felt the need to go back to the club either. The people there... She just never felt motivated enough. She couldn't, however, say no to Santana when she got all sentimental like this. It was almost as bad as Brittany's puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Quinn turned back to her, "I'll think about it."

"Fuck you, Fabray! You said that last time."

"Okay. Okay. I'll go. I promise."

"Good," Santana folded her arms and smiled to herself.

"So, you were acting all crazy because you missed me?" Quinn teased and shoved Santana playfully.

"I guess," Santana teased back, but her smiled faded a bit.

"What? What else is wrong?"

"Nothing," Santana obviously lied, her eyes showing that something else was wrong.

Quinn looked at Santana's eyes for an answer. When they were younger, those chocolate orbs would be like a window into what Santana always felt. Quinn and Brittany would play secret games of "What Did Santana Really Mean" and those eyes would be Quinn's secret weapon to winning every time. They were also Quinn's favorite things to look at.

A couple years back, the three of them would have sleepovers every Friday and Brittany would always fall asleep first. To continue to be entertained but with less noise, Quinn and Santana would stay up late talking about any and everything that they could think of. Quinn remembered how the moon light would always find a way to shine directly from Santana's eyes. She constantly got hypnotized if she ever looked too long and Santana noticed every time she did. Sometimes Santana would snap something at her like "What are you looking at, Q?" or "Are you even listening?" Other times, when Santana was in the greatest of moods they would stay silent for many moments just studying the way the light would cascade off each other's faces. Quinn would be so tempted at times just to reach out and trace the light on the other girl's face, but she never got the courage to do anything other than look.

Other people probably would have thought it as a weird or awkward thing to do, but to Quinn it was a moment she wouldn't trade for the world and was the only thing to put her to sleep those nights.

Quinn continued her search and smiled reassuringly at Santana, "You can tell me anything, San."

Santana looked at her for only a second before biting her lip and turning away, "See you at school, Q."

Before Quinn responded, Santana stood up and saw herself out.

Quinn sat still, completely confused by Santana's actions until her door opened up and made her jump.

Judy's head peaked through and she furrowed her brow at Quinn, "Should I ask why I just saw Santana rush out of here with tears in her eyes?"

"She seemed fine to me," Quinn said more to herself than her mother.

"Okay," Judy drew out, "Should I ask why you're sitting here half naked after your friend just ran out of here teary eyed?"

"No." Quinn snapped, semi-understanding what Judy was inferring.

"Fine. Fine, don't tell me," Judy sighed and left silently.

Quinn looked around her room and wondered what she was saying to everyone that was giving them such a bad mood.

**XXX**

Quinn shifted her fingers through the rummage of her locker in search if her History notes. So much time and effort had been spent on crafting those and yet she had carelessly thrown them into her locker. If this wasn't another reason why she couldn't stand her unconscious self then she didn't know what would.

"Quinn," a voice called next to her almost giving her a heart attack.

She faced the voice, hand on her heart, and saw that it was just Rachel Berry. The small girl was decked out in a sweater and skirt combination that reminded Quinn of a mix of a British school uniform and a old woman's hand me downs, "Rachel."

Rachel eyed Quinn's attire, which was just a simple dress and black cardigan with her combat boots for good measure. It probably looked weird tied together with the highlights of pink in her blonde hair.

Rachel inhaled and gave a smile to Quinn, "You're looking back to your normal self."

"Excuse me?"

Rachel meant it as a compliment, but Quinn took it as a insult so she retracted and changed subjects, "So, there is glee practice today. Are you planning on attending?"

"Yep," Quinn responded as she turned back into her locker to look for her notes.

"That's amazing, Quinn. We've all missed you so much, we've even dedicated a whole rehearsal to you leaving and how much it affected us. This of course means that we'll have to have another one for your returning. I'll have to talk to Mr. Schue about that. Just imagine everyone's faces when they see you walk into practice. You wouldn't believe how much we missed you, Quinn. Especially Santana. What song do you think you'll present to us when you arrive. I was thinking something jazzy will-"

"Wait," Quinn turned to Rachel, "What do you mean especially Santana? What do you know?"

"I-uh," Rachel stuttered. Why did she look so guilty?

"I knew something was up," Quinn folded her arms and looked at Rachel expectedly, "Come on, tell me. What's up with Santana."

"Other than she missed you?"

"Why would you even know that?" Quinn inquired. She always felt a rush when questioning Rachel, it was almost was like she was a detective questioning the nosey neighbor of some victim in the 30's. Plus Rachel would tell her everything she wanted and didn't want to know, even if Quinn knew the answer. Like now, since everyone knows Santana's not very good at hiding what she felt.

"She came to me for solace and I gave it to her."

Quinn furrowed her brow. Maybe she didn't know the answer, "She talked to you?"

"Yes, and I suggest you speak to her about it yourself because I do not wish to break confidentiality. Now if you excuse me," Rachel nodded her head and walked off before Quinn could ask anything else.

Quinn slowly closed her locker and tried to wrap her head around everything. Santana had gone to talk to Rachel? Voluntarily? What has the world come to?

Just her luck, the woman in mind came into her sight and before she knew it Quinn had stomped her way over.

"Lopez!" Quinn snapped at her, but stopped in her tracks. What was she going to do? Reprimand Santana for making other friends and going to talk about her feelings with them? Old Quinn would have done it in a heartbeat, no questions asked. Now, though, it just seemed stupid and pointless to yell at Santana so Quinn threw up her hands and stalked away, "Gah! Never mind!"

Quinn walked into her History class and nearly screamed when she noticed that she still didn't have her flash cards. It was going to be a long day.

**XXX**

Glee practice seemed the same so far. Same people, same room, same boring atmosphere. Maybe this was the real reason why she didn't want to come back; it was kind of boring.

Rachel kept her promise and talked to Mr. Schue about a welcome week for Quinn. Despite his reluctance, Quinn week was official and now everyone (including herself) had to sing a song that showed how they felt about her coming back. Let's just say, in the most melancholy of ways, Quinn was ecstatic.

After a heart felt speech Mr. Schue finally released them, and right after he pulled Quinn to the side.

"I'm so glad you're back, Quinn," He began with a smile that almost seemed genuine.

"Me too, Mr. Schue," Quinn politely smiled back.

"Just so you know, we're all here for you. If you need anyone to talk to..."

"I understand, thanks," Quinn turned away and began to walk out of the choir room. She wasn't in the mood to make Will feel better about himself for helping her.

She rounded the corner and was met with a bone crushing hug and a slap with a blonde pony tail.

"Oh my god, Quinn, I've missed you sooooo much," Brittany held her tight and unwilling to let go.

Quinn smiled and returned the hug as best as she could, "I missed you too, Britt."

Brittany pulled back slightly enough to see Quinn's face and gave her the brightest smile, "When Santana said that you were coming to glee practice I couldn't believe it. Then there you were and it took a lot of energy not jump out of my chair and hug you."

"She was literally bouncing up and down in her chair when you walked in," Santana's voice said from behind Brittany.

"I just missed you so much," Brittany pouted.

Quinn gave another smile and another hug to Brittany before pulling completely away.

"I know!" Brittany grabbed the arms of both girls, "We should have a sleep over, just like old times, this Friday night."

Quinn had missed their Friday night sleep overs the exact moment they had stopped having them freshman year. So, without hesitation she said, "Absolutely, Brittany! That sounds so much fun!"

"Yeah, sure, Brittany," Santana agreed, "I'm up for it."

"I've gotta prepare!" Brittany squealed and launched herself away from the two.

**XXX**

The week had gone extraordinarily fast and before she knew it, Quinn was hosting the sleep over at her house. Hosting must have changed definitions, because Brittany ended up setting up everything for the them to do including a nail painting station, trying to start up a pillow fight, and a short movie marathon. It was no surprise that Brittany tuckered herself out before the both of them, so Santana and Quinn decided to call it a night as well.

Quinn laid down on the floor next to a small pallet that was originally made for all three of them, but now only for Brittany's splayed out body. Santana laid next to her and they both stayed in silence for a moment before Quinn turned over to look at the other girl, "It's like old times."

Santana turned to face Quinn and gave a smile, "Yeah, old times."

"Santana?"

"Hmm?"

"Why'd you act so weird the other day?" Quinn remembered how Santana's mood took a 360 even though Quinn had agreed to go to glee practice.

"I'm always that way, though," Santana said softly.

"It was different. Like something was bothering you."

Santana shook her head softly, "I'm okay now, Quinn, that's all that matters."

Quinn decided to let it go, for now. At the moment she was just a little too tired to get into it and a little too happy to make Santana uncomfortable with more questions.

Quinn raked her eyes over Santana's face as the moon light hit it like it always had. Santana's baby fat was almost completely gone and now all that was left was stunning cheek bones that were perfect for holding those dimples that she developed. Her lips seemed fuller, but not in a bad way. Just more luscious in a way. The only thing that stayed the same was her eyes and how they seemed to show more emotion than Santana could ever say aloud.

"God, you're like the most beautiful girl I know, San," Quinn heard herself say.

"Quinn- I," Santana started but stopped suddenly.

Quinn continued looking for a second before putting the puzzle that she had been fretting about since the beginning of this week together. Quinn just smiled and shook her head, then sat up and swiftly connected her lips with the Latina's.

Santana's eyes were wide with shock as Quinn went back to lay down, "Quinn- why?"

"Because you wanted to, but you didn't have the courage. So I helped you out," Quinn shrugged.

"How?"

"Santana, I've seen you give that look before. I think I should know when it's coming at me, too."

Santana closed her eyes and sighed, "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"That you liked me? Don't be sorry."

"I'm guessing that it's only one sided, right?"

Quinn bit her lip and looked away. Did she have any feelings for Santana? Usually it was just pint up frustration and furry that always ended with them in a fight. Maybe it was just sexual tension that her old self never looked into. That would explain a hefty amount of things.

Quinn looked at the vulnerable girl laying beside her and realized that of course she had feelings for her. Not once in any of their fights or arguments had she ever stopped having those feelings. Which is why she always thought of her as her best friend; because to Quinn she was always more.

Quinn smiled, "Why would I kiss you if this was only one sided?"

Santana squinted her eyes, "I don't know, Q. You do some questionable things."

Quinn giggled softly and found that her hand raised up on its own accord to graze her fingers down Santana's jaw. She traced the light patterns on her face, but kept her eyes fixed with Santana's, "Of course I like you, San."

Santana scooted closer till their faces were almost touching, "Cool."

"Cool? That's the best you got? I thought Santana Lopez had game or something?"

"Give me a break, Q," Santana laughed.

Quinn leaned in and connected their lips again, this time Santana returned the kiss with slow mannerisms. Quinn's hand pulled Santana's face closer, making their kisses flow like a dance. A hand was placed on Quinn's waist as another gripped the back of her her neck to pull her even closer. Their bodies flushed against one another as legs slipped through others, making it easy for them to rock against each other. Quinn felt Santana roll on top of her and she inhaled sharply when the girl's leg put pressure on the right place. Quinn placed her hand on Santana's shirt and raised it up slowly till her fingers found the warm skin of her abs. Santana shuddered through their kisses as Quinn felt her way up the brunettes body and stopped to cup a perfectly round breast. She squeezed and Santana moaned into the kiss giving Quinn a chance to stick her tongue into her mouth. Santana used her own expertly and made Quinn moan to Santana's delight. They both pushed against one another, touching new places and beginning to shed pieces of clothing.

A loud snore made them freeze and realize that they weren't alone at the moment. Santana quickly threw herself off of Quinn and scooted away, while Quinn laid flat on her back with her eyes wide in surprise. She didn't expect for all of that to happen, especially with Brittany still in the room. The worst part was that Brittany didn't even snore, so she clearly was awake.

Quinn cleared her throat, "Sorry, Britt."

"It's okay," Brittany said a little groggily, "Just next time be a little quieter or at least let me join in."

Quinn bit her lip to keep from laughing and turned to see Santana was doing the same thing, "Sure thing, Britt."

Quinn looked up to the ceiling and smiled. She could get used it, having friends again. Now, she even had something like a girlfriend. Maybe this time, she won't mess it up. Maybe she'll even be happy.

_'Yeah,'_ she thought as she closed her eyes, _'Maybe being happy wont be so bad.'_

**A/N: So, I hope that was okay and wasn't too random. Thanks for reading and quick fact: This story's named after a song I think Rachel would have sung for Quinn's returning. Yeah, a Faberry joke. I don't even ship that. Plus the title's all long. Anyways, I bid you adieu.**


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